Running, learning, and receiving
In early December I went to Las Vegas to watch a friend run a marathon. I didn’t know what to expect and I didn’t know that watching so many willing souls would stir something in my soul. When I got back to Prescott I decided I wanted to run a 1/2 marathon. I heard about the Whiskey Row Marathon here in Prescott the first of May and so I started to “train”. It is hard to run in Prescott when there is snow and sleet so I hiked a little bit and when I got to California I started to run. It is interesting to see the way I trained, I didn’t start running and stay with it, I hiked a little here, then ran in California, surfed and ran in Hawaii, walked miles and miles in Thailand, and then did the 3 day trek in Nepal.
When I got back to Prescott I started to put all the pieces together and started running. I remember the first run I did around Willow Lake and how much I enjoyed connecting to the Earth and nature. Then I started figuring out how longer distances felt. I ran out on the Brownlow trails and could barely make it up the steep inclines but I was running and I was reconnecting to my roots. When I was in 8th grade I decided to play basketball, I was not a great player, but I enjoyed being with a team and running the ball up and down the court. Actually I got into a little bit of a testy mood one day (I know, me in a testy mood, hard to believe but it happens) and got the team in trouble so the whole team had to run laps around the gym. I loved it! I wasn’t the most popular person on the team that day but I was in bliss! My coach saw something in my love for running and talked me into trying track. I ran the 800 meter run and did okay, I struggled getting warmed up. The last track meet of the season was at Mile High Middle School and I remember coming in dead last BUT running my best time. I was so bummed and yet I was so proud because I had beat my time. That run started a love affair for me, I realized no matter what place I came in, I wanted to always run a better time then the last race. I ran track all through high school and actually went to State a couple of times and placed at the District level almost, if not every year.
I didn’t realize at the time how important those track practices and those meets were for me, in keeping me sane, healthy, and connected. Only now after not doing it for years and then coming back to it do I realize the gifts I was given. When I ran I was able to take any problem I was having and just let run its course. I had to go to practice just as I had to do my homework, it was part of my day. Now looking back I realize those hours of practice were just for me, I couldn’t do anything for anyone else during that time, I got to concentrate on how I could beat my last running time.
When I got out of high school and started college I gave up running. I got busy with college classes and social agendas and forgot to put running as part of my day. I look back and I see the start of my shutting down, I started to put my “Fix-it Sue” hat on, and try to help others with their problems, forgetting I had my own. I started to make life more important forgetting that I was not living fully without moving my body. I didn’t connect with the Earth in the same way, now I was driving on the Earth, not participating with the Earth. Somewhere in college I realized I missed running and attempted to start running again but it hurt my body, I was too closed down. I figured all the running I had done in high school had permanently injured my body, I didn’t realize that I had to start with baby steps and open myself back up.
On Maui when I was going to massage school I started to open and in doing so found the craving to run again. The Maui beaches are perfect to run on and there is one I lived just blocks from where I could run about 2 miles and then swim for a bit to cool off. It was such a good feeling to move my body, but again, I moved back to Arizona and shut myself down again, I forgot to put time into my day to move my body. I was more worried about keeping relationships working and making a living, then actually taking time to live fully myself. I had to start with learning how to live in a space by myself, I had never lived by myself. I got to learn how to pay attention to myself. I had to ask the questions of how I was, what was I needing in that moment, how could I take care of myself. When I asked those questions I realized I wanted to travel, I needed to travel, I needed to heal, to open up, to receive.
Taking the time to travel, to learn about myself in other countries, and how to take care of myself when I am “alone” all helped open me back up. Now when I run I feel free again, I can let my problems run their course, I am conscious about the time I am taking for myself. When I am running I am not available to help others when they call, I don’t have the energy to wonder how so-and-so is doing, I am listening to my own heart beat, my own tight spots, my own breath and I get to heal those tensions. I got to go through a few moments this last month where I thought of myself as being very selfish for taking the time to go run and train and blah, blah, blah. What I realize today is that I am learning how to be an adult. I am learning how to take care of myself, to put myself first, then I can be of service to others. I know I preach that and so today I get to say, I am a work in progress, I can take the advice I have so freely doled out. Tomorrow I get to run, I get to see what time I want to beat next race, I get to start another era of receiving from the Earth and I get to be one of those willing souls.
Even when I feel like I am not being cared for, I really am…
This weekend was such an amazing lesson for me in letting go of how I think things should go and accepting things just as they are. A week ago, I went through my roller coaster ride of “do I get a car looking like I am driving Miss Daisy or do I not?” I decided after thinking it over, writing about it, and asking for a little guidance that all signs pointed to get “Miss Daisy”, a 2002 Buick Century. Now that I have had her for a week she has shrunk in size about 10 feet, she has got some classy curves, almost sexy, and after this weekend, she has a strength I will not question!
I was invited to spend the weekend in Rocky Point with some friends. I decided this would be a perfect trip to get to know Miss Daisy and start to nurture our new owner/car relationship. Her trunk is huge and easily carried all the luggage we packed into her, her gas mileage is astonishing, her power great and the ride smooth.
When we got to the Mexican border we had to wait to get across and for some reason the engine stalled, the warning lights didn’t go on but the engine wasn’t running. We got across the border and all of a sudden the AC wasn’t working. We decided when I got back to Prescott I would just have to get a mechanic to recharge my AC and we rolled down the windows. When we got to Rocky Point we decided to stop at a Pharmacy to get a prescription before we headed out to the house we were staying at, when I got back in to start Miss Daisy the battery light went on, weird, then when I went to turn the steering wheel it didn’t want to turn, uh oh! So I pulled back into the parking spot, popped the hood and saw my serpentine belt had snapped. What a feeling of helplessness when I realized I know very little Spanish, I know a little about cars, I have 3 other people counting on me to get them to the house we are staying at, and I have a broken serpentine belt in my hand. After a couple of attempts we found a gentleman who told us about Baja 1000, just around the corner. The mechanic there was great and had another mechanic follow us back to Miss Daisy he put the serpentine belt, on then we found out the reason the serpentine belt broke, the AC compressor had seized…OH CRAP! So we did a quick shuffle, got most everyone and everything in the other car, sent them off to the house about 7 miles away to unload and come back to grab myself and the friend who stayed behind.
I was so sad and my ego was bruised, it isn’t easy for me to experience that much helplessness in one day but what’s nice about being with 8 women friends is that they helped me to see the gifts in what had transpired. The compressor had a hiccup at the border, but we made it across the Sonoran desert to town, we stopped in town instead of going the 7 miles out to the house first, at a pharmacy just down the road from a mechanic, who spoke some English, and fixed Miss Daisy for less than $200 in less than 24 hours. We definitely were on the wings of grace and Miss Daisy has one heck of a strong disposition if she could make it that far limping, without really showing how bad it was!
I think Miss Daisy and I will get along just fine and I know I gained a lot of respect for her this weekend. I look forward to many more road trips, after I have about 4 mechanics, suggested by the 8 friends, check her completely out. I also got to see once more I was proven wrong, we were totally taken care of and all that was needed was given easily. I am actually starting to enjoy the ways I am proven false, I guess I will continue to see what comes up.
Oh the humor!
I have been back in Prescott for a month now, I have been in my apartment for a month now, and I have been working for a month now. But I have not yet purchased a vehicle. Until today I wondered what the heck?! Why is it that I can have everything fall into place so easily except 4 wheels and an engine. What I realized today is that I was looking for the “perfect” 4 wheels and engine. I had paralyzed myself with the idea that the vehicle I was going to purchase would make me or break me. I know, I know, silly and yet it was so real. I had some wonderful advice, write down what I wanted in a vehicle and what I was willing to pay. I did that, then I was given the advice to write down all my fears around buying a vehicle, I did that. All the while I have been looking on the internet at AutoTrader, newspapers, Craigslist, auto dealerships here in Prescott and up in Flagstaff, test drove 6 cars and all the while I couldn’t find my perfect car for my perfect price.
Today I got a call that a friend of a friend was willing and ready to pick me up from my apartment and take me to his car lot to show me cars for sale for very inexpensive. What an offer! This afternoon a white boat pulled up to pick me up. I shuttered at the thought of this car, it is an old” person’s car. My mind right away went to this space that there is no way I could look cool in this car. This car would be one to break me for sure! The thing saving me was that it is too nice to be in my price range and it is in too good of shape. We went to the car lot and looked at another dozen cars most out of my price range or just too small (my massage table won’t fit in the trunk). To my horror the salesman told me this boat that we were in WAS in my price range and actually I would have money to SAVE. I got to ask a certified mechanic about the car and what it’s Achilles Tendon is and found out the issue had been fixed so this car is a reliable car, it gets about 25-27 miles to the gallon, it is front wheel drive, it has a trunk that can hold my massage table and 6 small children. It is exactly what I wanted, just not this car please?!!!! I test drove it and the whole time I was driving it I thought of the movie “Driving Miss Daisy” and thinking, “there is no way in HECK I am going to be a Miss Daisy!” I was driven home in the big white boat with a heavy heart and empty-handed. When I got home I realized I had been duped by my ego. I can’t imagine owning a big white Buick because I thought a vehicle defines someone. Thank goodness, once again, I am proven wrong!!!! I did some writing about this big white Buick and you know what? I might just enjoy having a car I can put 5 grown adults in, feel like I am on a magic carpet ride with all of our luggage in the trunk, and know this beast will take me anywhere. Huh, what a concept! I haven’t purchased the car, I don’t know if I will but if you see a bleached blonde in a white Buick Century with a great big grin on her face, honk I may wave.
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