A trip at the end of another’s stay here…
I had the privilege? opportunity? chance? hmmm those words just don’t seem to fit what I want to say. I sat with a mentor, a friend, a woman I look up to as she drew her last breaths. This woman came to me coughing just before I left for my trip in 2009. She seemed to think that it was just allergies or a chair she was re-upholstering so I was not to worry. I went on my trip and didn’t think twice about her situation. When I got back she seemed a little smaller, and her cough was a little more persistent. I guess a client of hers gave her money to have an x-ray and sure enough it wasn’t just a cough. She still didn’t say the words, but it was inferred she was not well. She told her story that this was just a minor set back and all would be well. I wanted to believe her and so I did, she would heal and continue to live and teach me. Last fall she quit her chemotherapy because she felt she would die doing the last treatments, I believe her. When I saw her she had shrunk to an adolescent’s body and her rosy cheeks had a grey hue to them.
My maternal grandparents both died from lung cancer and so I know it is possible to get that cancer. I know it is possible to die from that cancer. I know families have been left because of that cancer but I have never been in close proximity to someone “battling” any type of cancer. I had no idea what to expect and once again ignorance is bliss. I was able to just experience the reality of the situation and have no idea what I was up against. I use these terms loosely because they are words I hear, I have no connection with them. By Webster’s Dictionary battle means- any fight, conflict, or struggle; cancer means- a malignant growth or tumor that tends to spread; dying means- drawing to a close. In my own dictionary cancer means- the body’s way of telling the mind something is amiss; dying means- transitioning; and cancer is not to be fought it is to be worked with. I may be naive and so I apologize to anyone if they think differently. I am willing to learn.
As I re-read what I have written I see I am rambling and that is exactly how I feel. I can’t make sense to what has just happened and if all I hear is correct, death is something we can’t make sense of. So on to my story….
I was called and informed my friend was agitated and didn’t seem to be doing very well. I asked if they wanted another friend to be there. My friend said yes and so I went. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know I could ask so I sat holding her hand. Thank goodness another friend came soon after me and started doing Bowenwork moves. Our friend seemed to settle enough to ask for the moves she wanted and tell us to hurry. Within a couple of hours she was starting to shift consciousness, she could no longer ask for what she needed/wanted, she could only shake her head. I knew it may be a late night and so I left to take care of myself. I don’t even know if that is possible, what I did was find some nourishing food, went to a gathering of friends and listen for guidance and then returned to my friend’s side. There was a small gathering of family and friends watching over our loved one and waiting.
I have never attended a birth but what I know of birth I wonder if death is very similar. A lot of sitting, waiting, checking, and praying. As I sat near my friend and listened to her rasping breath I was very aware of my own life energies pulsating and humming. I don’t know if I have ever been so aware of my own energies in a group of people. I think I was trained to listen to others’ and feel if there was a way to be of some type of help. In massage school I think those skills were honed just a little sharper so that I could be a better massage therapist. But sitting with my friend who’s life energy was almost nil I could hear my own humming away. What a beautiful sound.
As the evening shifted into night and night shifted into early morning we started telling our friend she could go home. She didn’t need to be here anymore, the worst was over, she could go, she would never be forgotten and she would always be loved. As those things were being said it was neat to feel the shifting in the room. We all started to shift in and out of our own consciousness, sleep kept creeping in and nestling us into comfort. At one point in time of dream or meditation, I had a vision of my friend standing in a dark hallway, in front of her was a door with light pouring around it and through the key hole. I heard the words, “You can go through this door, you have the key. All you have to do is leave this body behind. Inside your body is the key, you are the key. Leave your body behind and you can walk through this door. The only thing holding you back is your body, leave it behind.” I shook to full conciousness and knew that it was time for me to go home. The others that had stayed behind started to get ready for sleep, pulling out beds, moving to the couch in the hallway, and asking for assistance in getting our friend in a more “comfortable position”.
Driving away from my friend my car clock read 1:43am, I was tired and beat. I got home, crawled into bed and at 2:13am I received the text that she had passed. When I spoke to everyone the next day they informed me her official time of death was 2:05am. She was already gone when I left. I was hearing her last instructions in this form. She is now in the light of the sun, the breath of the wind, the scent of a rose. She is now part of One, Always, and Forever. I am so grateful to have such a graceful teacher, mentor, and friend. I know I will never forget her, and my love for her will continue to grow each breath I take.
And just like life 3 days later another friend welcomed her second child into this world. What a blessing to be part of such a great working cycle.
Becky's Travel Blog 