Traveling through fears

02/22/2013 at 11:15 AM (Uncategorized)

Earlier this month I attended the Advanced PSYCH-K (registered trademark) with 15 other women.  What an amazing experience to be in a room full of really amazing women all working towards the same goal- evolution.  Since I was reviewing I was able to see the next layer of what PSYCH-K can and is doing for me.  I was finding the blocks I had previously glossed over- “I love to learn/ I hate to learn”, “I love myself unconditionally/ If only I could be different I would be lovable unconditionally”, such conflict and yet there they were.  As I was trying to read my directions, facilitate smoothly, and learn the words fell out, “I HATE LEARNING!”  What!?  I attend workshops as much as I can, I love to gather knowledge, I love to find information and see how it fits into or changes my life.  And yet here are these three words expressing something completely different.  I found that sure enough there was a conflict, I truly believed both statements- “I love to learn” and “I hate learning”.  Using PSYCH-K I balanced the belief statement that “I love to learn”, within moments there was a calm that came over me, and I was able to feel a naggle of discomfort watching another person struggle with learning.  This naggle took me on a trip: 4 years old, up on Bill Williams mountain looking at the butterflies learning about their names, where they went in the winter, why they came to my mountain in the summer, and what they ate.  I was in bliss!  I was learning and loving it.  Fast forward to 5 years old, in a room with one window, my chair had the back to the window, sitting with 3 other kids and our job was to sit quietly and “learn”.  Why were we talking about “A”?  What was “A”?  Why was it important?  Only until we learned that “A” could be used with other letters did it find any value in my mind.  My passions were to sing, to commune, to move and those things got my name on the board.  I wanted to help the other kids succeed in what I had just figured out and again this was disruptive.  So my love for learning was slowly changing to frustration.  I do have some great memories of school, I do however have some that still make my stomach hurt after 25 years. 

Now all the pieces are falling in peace, I now know that I do really love to learn and that it is safe for me to learn.  I can be okay with the other student’s discomfort of learning without jumping in and saving them.  The next naggle will cost me a steak dinner.  I had the thought pop in, “No wonder I have been frightened by the thought of teaching!”  All the students moving through their difficulties, learning along side the students, learning ways to teach in a most efficient way.  Wow, that is a lot if there is a conflict that I hate learning!  So now this naggle is there and is growing, we will see what will transpire, the path is clear and my heart is ready.  The reason I say this will cost me a steak dinner is because a teacher bet me a steak dinner that I would be a teacher someday.  I poo-pooed him quite quickly and now I get to retrace my steps, maybe I do want to teach.  I do love to learn and isn’t that one of the prerequisites? 

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